An Apology Monkey: Who He Really Is

Looking back at past blogs, I am completely horrified about vilifying the man I still love more than…everything…to this degree.  I realize now that I am coming down from a hormonal wave of epic proportions never before witnessed by anyone…ever.  Yes, he was a total ass and said and did some vile sh*t, but my campaign of fury went way too far.  It was a private matter, and if I was in therapy or something, my blog would be way less personal…but I’m a writer and my years of silence have resulted in verbal diarrhea.  So, to this man, my love monkey, I am sorry.  Hormones leveling out has me seeing a little clearer (although will taper another three weeks), and we were both in the wrong…but I took it too far.

So, I think after telling you about this one saga (for a week!), he deserves for everyone to know why he is 95% wonderful.


summer cheer-up flowers

On our second or third date, my jaw dropped when DJ gave me a Tiffany’s necklace at dinner for no reason.  Two months later, for my birthday, he gave me a matching bracelet he had purchased a month after we started dating.  I wear them when I miss him…which is every day.  It seems he saw where our relationship was headed and I was too dizzy and tongue-tied.  Once, when I told him about a fight I’d had with a friend, he just knew I needed to see him and brought me a dozen roses and a card and took me to his favorite Brazilian restaurant.  I had no makeup on and my hair was messy and he said I looked even prettier that way.  He brought flowers for both my mother and myself at that same restaurant when she was in town a month ago.


Madhatter Pub Clown

He planned the most amazing dates…based on my interests because he was always up for anything.  We learned how to make gin martinis and manhattans (got tipsy during class and went to our bar after), made cupcakes at Butterlane Cupcakes’ Couples Night and distributed the leftovers to the local bartenders on the block, and went to a couple’s pottery class (I slept through the class the first time and he waited forty-five minutes before coming to my apartment…we went to our favorite bar for fish and chips, gin &tonics, and terrifying clown decorations).  We retook the class and had a blast.  Recently,we signed up for a gelato making class but I don’t know if we will ever make it to that one.

When I was doing chemo for my Rheumatoid Arthritis, he held my hair back when I threw up.  He donated so much money to the Arthritis Foundation for the Jingle Bell 5K that we had the top team for nearly two months.  He was always so supportive of my limitations and the side-effects of my treatment and a champion for what I could do.  More supportive than anyone in my life other than my mother.  Comforting another person just came natural to him.

DJ is the most dedicated father I have ever met.  He moved twice in just a couple months for his children…the first time so they would be closer to their mother (making his commute an hour and a half) and the second time because his nine-year-old was being bullied and wanted to go back to his old school.  Now he travels with his kids back and forth…a three hour round trip every weekend.  He supports their interests and quirks.  He lives for and dotes on them.

Monkey has the best, most mischievous smile ever…it is infectious.  It immediately stops tears.  He will also (usually) stay on the phone with you when you cry, even if your sobbing muffles every word you are saying.


sleeping troll

UBER CARS.  Whenever I was tired he would send an uber to pick me up.  I once was in desperate need of a nap because my apartment building was undergoing loud construction so he sent me an uber and let me nap at his place while he worked from home that day.  He took a picture to commemorate it…kinda sweet…and creepy…lol

He was the first one to say “I love you.”  He said it after three months.

DJ is so much fun.  He just is–nonstop laughter and always creating new inside jokes.   He is my favorite drinking buddy ever. He makes the best gin & tonics.  He always let me play ski ball at Mona’s Bar.  And he found my weird quirks adorable.

I was sick last April and he had 5 bags of arthritis-friendly produce to juice and three bottles of Diet Coke delivered.  He knew I missed watching TV on an actual TV after I no longer had cable and bought me a cord to hook up my mac…and gave me access to his fios account so I could watch my shows.  He saw a “knit your own dachshund” kit and bought it for me because it reminded him of my dog Delilah.  He also bought me a giant dachshund eraser for the same reason.  He sent me a selfie stick he bought as a surprise gag gift on amazon because I was always trying to get a good, non-double chin picture of us…it turns out, I cannot work a selfie stick.  He sent me a shirt to remind me that even with RA, I am Superwoman.  He loved watching my face when he surprised me with random things…but it wasn’t the gifts that made me happy–it was knowing I was always on his mind.  I look at that stupid giant dachshund eraser and just see love…he lives on my bookshelf.

DJ actually thought my feet were cute.  I have broken every one of my toes at least once …one is turned sideways on the top joint and I don’t have nails on the pinky toes…and he sincerely thought they were cute.

He waited 7 1/2 years after his divorce to introduce his children to a girlfriend.  We went to Dave & Busters for A, painted pottery (my idea) for S, and participated in the Walk to Cure Arthritis for me.


attempting the selfie stick

Now that the anger is gone (the hormones are nearly gone), I will let that one tragic episode go…because there have been so many more happy times than sad.  And he deserves to be known and remembered for that…a more accurate portrait of the man that swept me off my feet from day one.  I never told him I fell in love with him about five minutes into our first date…it terrified me that someone I hardly knew felt like home.  It took breaking up and getting back together last March to admit it. My only sad tears now are regret.  


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