Why MOST People Don’t Text at 2AM

Cell-phonesI have a habit of texting while on sleeping medications.  I could lock up my phone, but where is the fun in that?  The first I texted only to myself (an edited version)…because he doesn’t want to hear it.  The rest are actual texts to my best night-owl friends, ex-boyfriends, my deceased gay-boyfriend, etc..

1.

So…I am texting you and I am not sure why.  Broke up with my person because I couldn’t accept excuses from someone who actually believes in them and refuses to own up to his own flawed humanity.  It makes me miss you.  Until an hour ago, I believed I was immortal, but I’ve lost my one chance at redemption.

New blog title: sometimes you feel like a slut, sometimes you were.

I miss you beyond comprehension. I do not, and never will, blame you for my failed relationships, but I entirely and completely blame you for all of my failed relationships.  You f*cked me up just enough to f*ck me up for life: your neuroses and our volatile arguments; my one-sided, midnight, insane ramblings; your one-sided, midnight, insane ramblings; the only person I would refuse to break a date with despite nearly two dozen staples to the skull only hours after tripping over my humidifier.  For years…not one broken date on my end…true story.

There is little else to say.  I see glasses and want to cry.  As much as I love anyone else, I refuse to put up with their sh*t, only making the acceptance of the sh*t I once put up with you more disturbing…you were my exception.

The only consolation I have is that you affected me enough to know I will never not miss you.  No one else will ever quite fill “the cray”.  I will always love you more than air.  The thought of you makes it difficult to breathe and even more difficult to look in the mirror.  You are the only person who will ever understand me.

I hate you for not being what you wanted.

2.

sometimes unprotected sex has negative consequences. like orgasms with thorns. i’m tired.

3.

Kitty Glitter!!!!!!

4.

some chick  in the elevator’s taint smelled…funky town.

5.

W

w

w

w

W

answer me

answer me

answer me

I HATE YOUR ASS FACE!!!!

6.

why are you dead? I’m pissed off at u, u shithead. glittertime.

7.

come fetch your boyfriend…he is on crack…like, literally on crack

8.

he has THE HERP. we should send a fruit basket.

9.

Kitty Glitter, Kitty Glitter, Glittering all over someone’s Kitty.

10.

did you just call me a bitch?  turn off your phoooonnnneee!

11.

i’m mad at you. i want to make out with your face and give you my cold.  but you like boys so i would have to cut off my hair or dress like a pirate…or both…i only have a girl pirate costume tho…

12.

seeking revenge on Kitty Glitter.  need my glitter mask.

13.

crack-o-wave

14.

why do you suck?!?!?!?!?!

As you can see…texting anyone while on sleeping medication is stupid.  And, at times, hilarious.  Keep your phones on people!  Keep them on!

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