Usually, I could not care less regarding the grooming and shopping habits of the upper class and wannabes; however, the majority of my friends are single males in NYC and sharing a ginormous dating pool of superficial, self-entitled, emotionally manipulative ladies looking for someone with a wallet and “Yes!” attitude. These label-crazed diva wannabes circle like sharks and are more physically and mentally exhausting than the plague. Making all-or-nothing demands (because compromise does not exist in one’s vocabulary) can easily end a relationship.
Anyway, I apologize for the prologue. Listed below are reasons and anecdotes to shun these annoying, self-centered diet coke fiends, their clones, and the pathetic protégés who will replace them once the Botox, hair chemicals, and aspartame take over their soulless shells (unfortunately, they just keep reproducing).
Hey Tall Girl, Can You Tell Me Why High-Maintenance Chicks Deserve Surprise Water Balloon Onslaughts? Why ,YES I CAN! Here we go:
- They expect five-star treatment on a first date. After meeting a girl online and conversing via text for only a few weeks, my friend finally asked her for a post-work drink. One hour before the date, she messaged him, demanding he send (and pay for) a car service to bring her to the bistro they had agreed upon. These OkSTUPID members had never even met face-to-face and this chick felt entitled to a car service instead of being a grown-*ss woman and finding her own way. No longer interested, he canceled the date and ignored subsequent phone calls.
- Another best guy friend invited a woman he met on Match.com to dinner and, being a gentleman, asked if she had a food preference. Instead of informing him about cuisine likes and dislikes, the delusional diva demanded one of the most expensive restaurants in the city with the sole purpose of showing off her new designer gown. This friend took the same action as the guy in scenario #1 and went to a sports bar with his coworkers to watch the Rangers game.
- An ex-coworker of mine made a habit of scanning women’s fingers for professional manicures, expensive jewelry, hair treatments, designer clothes and accessories…he would even find out what job field she was in and if her estimated income could not easily pay for her expensive wardrobe and cosmetic necessities, he would turn down all post-work drink requests. Smart man.
- A woman who refuses to help with errands, does not contribute to maintaining the household (insisting on paying a housekeeper), throws a fit at the thought of making her own dinner, and freaks out if she has to cancel her tanning session or miss a Pilates class might not be a good fit for any man or woman with a brain.
- A woman who smirks or directly attacks her person for not wearing designer clothes will only make her victim insecure and a little hostile…and no one wants to be around that.
- Permanent PMS: she blames the wailing on her lady flow and makes everyone’s life Hell for a week with her constant sobbing, screaming, and cravings. Hot Mess Express.
I realize this list is a mere summary of a true high-maintenance Hot Mess Express, but you can add your own observations and cautionary tales as you encounter these complex and completely deranged women–you, too, can have very own Red Flag Journal.
***Please note that not all hot messes are high-maintenance head cases. I am a total hot mess times ten. However, my sweaty hot messiness directly correlates to my lack of maintenance. My nails are a nightmare; I don’t like having my feet touched (obviously no one needs to see what is going on there); I rarely use makeup and often wear hats so I don’t have to deal with my hair; designer luggage annoys me; and if you call me “princess” I will shank you in the face (that’s not a threat, it’s a fact). Some chicks are dressed-to-impress, demanding little nightmares. Others play drinking games and rely on their boyfriends to wake them up when they fall asleep on the bathroom floor with a toothbrush in my hand….uh, their hands.
And fellows, you have tons of weird, demanding flaws yourself so think about that.