Life Post-Breakup

The first time I truly fell in love, I was twenty-eight and I never saw him coming.  He was older with IMG_1758refined tastes…and, during our first date, the celebrity chef even came to our table to tell him ”hey” and to ask how business was going…I was completely swept off my feet.  We met early October and I was head over heels in love in about three months..  I was introduced to a world I never thought I would experience or even have access to.  The fact that this sophisticated, successful business man, who could ask out anyone passing by, chose me, complimented me, took me to expensive restaurants, the theater, and on vacation was shocking.  Never before had I not been teased or bullied for my eccentricities or spontaneity; he convinced me that my differences from most young women my age are what he found most attractive.  He was the focus of my life for 2 ½ years (on and off) and remains my best friend today.  I’ve never told him, however, how grateful I will always be to him: he was patient, he helped me through some really difficult medical and emotional issues (and vice versa), and convinced me that I am special and deserve better.  After convincing me of the last part, he let me go.

Losing him was the most painful ordeal I have ever experienced. We remain near-best friends, but the man I had spent over two years planning my schedule around, the only person I ever trusted with every aspect of my life, and the first person to really support my professional and artistic endeavors had no plans for a joint future.  He had informed me from the start, and my swelling heart blinded me.  Although we had broken up for a day or two previously, I realized my only chance at domestic bliss would require pushing him, indefinitely, into the friend zone.

Sitting in my room, I made a list of men I previously knew and had possibly unresolved feelings for, as well as a slideshow of recent dates with strangers to remind myself of the type of men I certainly did not want.  Only one man survived my pen to paper slaughter and, luckily, I had a sneaky suspicion he would be open to a spontaneous dinner with me.

FullSizeRender-7Recently, he revealed he remembered the exact date we had met and the location.  He also told me tonight that he fell in love before he spent even five minutes with me.  He knew we would be together eventually (for life) and I am the first woman he has dated since divorcing his ex-wife over 7 years ago that he has allowed to meet his children.

The first breakup took away my lungs and half my soul.  I loved this man more than my own life, but he let me go because he knew our relationship was never going to be enough for me–I have grown to love him even more for setting me free to be with a man who worships the ground I walk on, tries to slowly introduce me into different aspects of his kids’ lives, and who enjoys planning a future together–a man I am blessed to have and love more than words can express.

Since my reconnection with the man I am dating again, my best friend has pulled away from my life.  I  am still devastated and miss him more than air, but I am grateful for his decision–knowing I was too weak to end it…to be okay with the two of us not needing each other quite as much anymore. Realizing the motive for why he left–so I could move on with my life–does not lessen the pain, but it is easier to bear every day.  I pray he holds a place in his heart and memory for me, that he is happy, and that he will still call and always be in my life .  You can’t get rid of me that easily.

My best friend:

I miss you so much you would find it stupid.

I thank you for letting me find happiness with the man and relationship I need and want.

I love you.

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