It’s Friday night and you know what that means….

…millions of women (and way too many men) are spending three hours in their rooms and bathrooms getting ready to do whatever it is people willing to put that much effort into their appearance do on a Friday night (likely heading to a loud, crowded, overpriced bar or eurotrash club).

I cannot for the LIFE of me figure out what miraculous beauty routine/unsuccessful makeup magic trick is worth THREE HOURS!  Most of the time, these clown makeup/glitter-adorned party girl wannabes walk out like Heidi Montag, post-surgery (I swear I only know her name because she and her blonde side-douche invaded every channel on television for a year). In an attempt to look “hot”, they fry their hair, apply ten layers of lipstick, fake eyelashes, blah blah blah…and achieve something resembling a human being, only less attractive.

Ladies, why are you waiting in line for an hour (in twenty-degree weather!!!), wearing four-inch heels and no coat?  How anyone could possibly consider this a good use of time is beyond me. However, if you are dead set on prying your body into an elastic tube sock, don’t spend three hours on your hair and makeup: no amount of hairspray and mascara is going to distract passersby from how stupid you look. .

I do my hair in three minutes and my makeup in less than two.  That’s right boys!  There are women in the world who are dressed and made up in less than ten minutes.  My “beauty” routine:

STEP ONE: wash hair at night so it is dry in the morning. STEP TWO: brush down bangs, put hair in pony tail, blowdry bangs while brushing like a mad person from side to side to get the curl out. STEP THREE: use straightener to smooth out leftover curl and wave. STEP FOUR: accentuate one feature on your face with makeup.

STEP ONE: wash hair at night so it is dry in the morning.
STEP TWO: brush down bangs, put hair in pony tail, blowdry bangs while brushing like a mad person from side to side to get the curl out.
STEP THREE: use straightener to smooth out leftover curl and wave.
STEP FOUR: accentuate one facial feature with makeup.

my ten minute look.

my ten minute look.

Is it glamorous?  No…but I get to spend my nights out, out…and not in front of the bathroom mirror.

***I realize my posts have acquired a (more than) slightly critical air, but I’m going with it because I am sleep-deprived and feeling (more than) slightly critical.

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